God is in the rain

I'm a catholic, yet, ironically speaking, I am an agnostic.

For the benefit of those who do not know, agnostics are definitely believers of God yet they do not have or believe in any religion. They are just entrusting themselves in a certain Deity, Supreme Being, God or Allah (whichever it may be called).

However, sometimes I doubt if God really does exist most especially when I feel so down.

Yet, I encountered God the rainy midnight of August 2, 2008.

I’ve decided to go home the night of August 1. First, to get clothes for our overnight presswork in the lampoon issue and second, to fetch some, I mean, a little rest since my head badly ached that time. I came close on not pursuing to go to presswork since our Managing Editor (a very kuripot one), did not want to give me some transportation allowance. She only gave me thirty pesos—an exact amount for a three-ride fare to Kamuning, where our printing press resides.

Thank heavens, our Assistant Managing Editor was kind enough she lent us a hundred peso bill for additional expenses. And to cut the long story of finances short, I went home with my pocket containing 50 pesos.

I’ve planned the allocation of the 50 pesos—14 for the ride going home, four for the biogesic, and 31 for the ride going to Southern Voices. All in all, a peso coin would be the only money left if I arrived there.

When I got home, my body initiated the move instead of my mind. I’ve eaten so fast (and a lot!) and then alas, slouched my body for a few hour sleep—one and a half, I estimated. I even refused to watch my favorite reality singing show—Pinoy Dream Academy since my eyes started to act on its own.

I awoke at 11 o’clock. It was very late, I thought. So I hurriedly packed my things, did my hygiene rituals and left (ensuring the money). The trip to Divisoria was a fast one (the only time-consuming part is the long hours of waiting for a jeepney). However, the trip to Morayta was the complete opposite—a pain in the ass.

The driver (whom I think has only started his first trip for the day), did not jump start for around half an hour in search for passengers or perhaps, waiting for his vehicle to be full (well, we cannot blame them, since it can be rooted to the oil crisis).

And when I arrived at Morayta, what I expected came. Jeepneys, whose routes are Proj. 2-3, were nowhere to be seen. And to add more pain in my agony, the sky cried much more.

After encountering different people (whom sometimes I’m afraid of, thinking it would be a holdaper) and also after thirty minutes have passed, there were still no jeepney.

I was losing hope and I’ve started talking to God. Asking him for help or any miracle to produce a Proj. 2-3 jeepney since the money left on my hands was 14 pesos—the exact amount for the fare ride from Morayta to Kamuning.

Thinking it was a hopeless case (after thorough conversations through my mind, of course to God, pleading for some help), I’ve decided to call the advance team in Southern Voices. I will be asking them to fetch me but in case they refused, I will go home.

I’ve started to make my call through the pay phone near the Dunkin Donuts. At first, the one-peso coins were not accepted and it continued to pour at the “coin dropping part”. After many trials, of collecting the poured coins, transferring them to my pockets, picking other one-peso coins and slotting them in, the machine gave up and ate it.

Jaseon, a new Torchie answered it. I’ve explained the situation. After knowing that the editors of the advance team was peacefully sleeping (whom were very difficult to wake up), my hopes started to diminish. I bid my farewell to Jaeson and planned to go home.
As I put down the receiver, I thought that this maybe the sign God has given me (plus the heavy rain). I should go home. Assuring that I still have exact money for the fare going home, I re-count my coins.

Miraculously, a ten-peso coin was in my palm. As fas as I remembered, I had not received any ten-peso coin. And no matter how I re-computed my finances again and again, there was still a ten-peso gap.

Then it was like the grace of God that made my body hairs stand up. That was when, I realized, God is patiently watching me.

God helped me through the telephone booth.

A miracle? Yes, I believe. I instantly remembered the quote in V for Vendetta:God is in the rain. God poured his grace on me.

Who's who?

Are men victims of discrimination on the status quo?

I came to read an article some in some blogspot that discussed a certain scenario which can be seen in the blockbuster hit Best Friends' Forever (BFF). The writer explicitly defended the idea of men tagged as "babaero" since it is sexist and feminist (well.. according to the analysis of the writer eventhough his thoughts are scattered all over the place... peace!).

One way or another, he got a point though. Some guys are being stereotyped as "babaero" eventhough they are not. I affirm that. But then let's try to delve it. How did the society arrived from this view?

MOST guys (take note of the word "most" instead of using "all") hailed women as trophies to be boasted. They would say that infidelity among men are just okay since it is NATURAL. And I certainly DISAGREE with this CRAP!

Just like what the article said that it isn't their fault because "tukso" came over. Well, I beg to DISAGREE again with this CRAP!

Just like what many activists say, "Internal ang mapagpasya." Even if there is that external conditioning, if the guy is sincere (S-I-N-C-E-R-E!!!!), he would not commit infidelity.

It still boils down to the existing patriarchal and feudal culture that affirms the idea of men being the most powerful among all the existing sexes. "Lalaki kasi, kaya OK lang. Mas macho ang dating." SH*T!!!

At some point, men are being streotyped. Indeed because of the norms that can be seen (na mga katoto rin naman nila ang may gaawa). BUT it is not JUST and FAIR to relieve yourself from being unfaithful jsut because of the fact that it is NORMAL. 

Nasaan Ka?

Patlang.

Hinahanap pa rin kita.

Ikaw 

ang dahilan

ng aking bawat pagtipa.

Ay!

Magbalik ka na.

Ang Tunay na Hari ng Kalsada

Sometimes, I get pissed off when the jeepney driver waits too long. Para bang wala siyang konspeto ng oras at walang pakialam sa mga pasahero niya. Mas masakit pa kung kailan late ka na, saka pa siya super petiks.

Naalala ko tuloy kung paano ako na-late sa appointment ko sa Makati (buti na lang at mabait ang employer). Nahiya tuloy ako. Makakapagcreate ako ng bad impression.

Kung tutuusin, ang mga ganitong klaseng driver ang dahilan kung bakit matrapik sa Metro Manila. Sabi ng ilan, mga "garapal", "pasaway", "bakaw". Pero may sumagi sa isip ko. Isang ideyang natutuhan ko sa isang lider-guro.

Makikita raw ang pyudalismo sa trapiko. Para sa hindi pa nakakaalam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng pyudalismo, ito ang pagkakaroon ng hindi pantay na relasyon sa pagitan ng dalawang uri/tao/bagay. At kaya trapik, dahil may pyudal na sistema.

Matapos kung marinig 'yun, nagtaka ako. Kadalasan kasi, makikita lang ang pyudal an relasyon sa pagitan ng mga magsasaka at landlords nila. Sa siyudad? Paano?

Katulad ng sa mga hindi pagmamay-ari ng mga magsasaka sa lupa, gayundin ang senaryo sa mga jeepney drivers. At ito ang sikat na sikat sa ating "boundary".

Tama. Araw-araw, may kailangang abuting quota ang bawat driver para magkaroon ng ipapakain sa pamilya nila. At bago pa makapag-intrega ng pera si Manong kay Misis, babawasan muna ito ni Amo.

Tindi nga naman ni Amo. Nanonood lang sa bahay tapos sa gabi, bibilangin ang mga jeepn na umuwi at pumasada, aba'y akalain mo ba namang kumikita ng pera.

 

At hindi lang ang pyudal na relasyon ang sakit sa ulo ng bawat driver. Nariyan din ang malupit na hagupit ng sunod-sunod na pagtaas ng presyo ng langis. 

Ngayon napaisip tuloy ako lalo, si Manong ba talaga ang "garapal", "pasaway", "bakaw" kung nagsusumikap siyang pakainin ang kanyang pamilya kahit na sunod-sunod ang pagmamalupit sa kanya. O "sila"... silang hindi na natinag sa taas at tumatapak-tapak sa iilan upang makakuha ng ganansya.

That's why I came to realize the reasons of every jeepney driver. It is not their fault and they are not the ones to be blamed becase as all of you can see, isa rin siyang bikitma. Biktima ng mapagsamantala.

Saka, (segue lang), panahon na rin na maging disiplinado sa oras at magkaroon ng tamang time adjustment and allotment. Ikaw din naman ang may kasalanan kasi gigising ka ng tanghali. 

Jeepney: king of the roads.

May naghahari pa pala sa mga "hari ng kalsada".

Isang liham kay Renic... Subukin nating magmulat

Kay Renic,

Alam ko matagal na nating pinagtatalunan si Lozada. Sabi mo, masama rin siya. Kaya lang naman kasi siya kumanta kasi nga sabi mo, hindi niya nakuha ang dapat na porsyento niya. nakalimutan ko na ang mga figures pero ang bottomline ng sinabi mo, batay sa interpretasyon ko, makasarili pa rin siya. Kaya hindi mo siya matanggap.

May punto ka. Kung tutuusin, si Lozada marahil ay kasapakat nila FG, Benjamin Abalos at kung sino sino pang hinyupak na nagnanais magnakaw sa kaban ng yaman. Ngunit, subukin nating magsuri ng mas malalim.

Kagaya ng marami ang iyong opinyon, "Kaya lang naman yan nagsalita kasi walang nakuhang kickback." Ngunit isa lamang ba itong simpleng isyu ng pera?

Mahirap maging tulad ni JLo. Mahirap maging isang witness laban sa first family. Alam naman natin kung gaano kalaki ang sklawa ng political powers nila. Lahat ay kaya nilang maniobrahin. At alam kong alam mo na naman ito. Sinugal na ni Lozada hindi lamang ang buhay niya kundi pati ang buhay at kinabukasan ng pamilya niya.

Sasabihin mo may mali rin siya. Sa palagay mo, bakit siya dalwang bukas na kamay na tinanggap ng simbahan? Dahil siya ay pagpapanibagong-hubog hindi tulad ng kanyang mga kasamahang kroni. Kaya niyang magsiwalat ng katotohanan hindi tulad nila FG at Abalos na todo tanggi pa rin sa kanilang ginawa. Kaya niyang tanggaping nagkamali siya.

Sasabihin mo rin, pagkatapos ng Senate Hearing wala na siyang ginawa. Sigurado ka? Sa bawat malawakang kampanya laban sa ChaCha, panawagan para sa pagbabago at katotohanan, naroroon si Lozada. Isa ako sa mga saksi at nakamayan ko pa nga siya sa isang rally noon malapit sa Baywalk.

Kung tutuusin, ang isyu ng NBN-ZTE ay hindi lamang hiwalay na isyu ng korapsyon. Kaya nga dapat magpasalamat pa tayo kay Lozada dahil isa siya sa maraming kayang manindigan at isiwalat ang bulok na sistema ng pamahalaan.

Dahil sa pag-iingay ni Lozada, marami ang kumilos, namumulat. Sa ganitong paraan, nagkakaroon tayo ng mas matabang lupa para sa pag-oorganisa. Kung saan, mas mapapalalim pa natin sa mga atrasadong nahamig ng isyu ng NBN-ZTE at nakisimpatya kay Lozada kung ano ba talaga nag lipunang ating ginagalawan at maugat ba kung bakit ito nangyayari.

Gayundin, lalo pa tayong nagkaroon ng pinaghahawakan (bukod sa sandamakmak pang kasamaan) na tuwiran at lubusan ang pagkakasala ng rehimeng Arroyo sa ating mamamayan.

At ngayong kumakaharap si Lozada sa isang malaking suliranin, suklian natin siya ng suporta at simpatiya. Sabi nga ni Kabataan Partylist Representative Mong Palatino, “During these times, the youth needs more role models like Lozada. May his sacrifice and strength enjoin the youth and the people to carry on with the fight for truth."

Ngayon, may itatanong ako sa'yo. Kung ganito ang pagtingin natin kay Lozada, paano pa ang ibang nagnanais na magsiwalat ng katotohanan? Ganoon din ba natin sila titingnan?

Iyong kasama,

Dark Angel

Simbuyo

Lilikom ako ng lakas

hihinga nang malalim

dadamhin ang hanging sasadsad 

sa aking baga't lalamunan

ipipikit ang aking mata

upang hindi mo masilayan

ang pananghoy ng aking kaluluwa

ikukuyom ang aking palad

sa pagkakataong ito

itatayo ko muna ang aking toreng garing

matapos

pipilitin kong buksan ang aking labi

pupunitin hindi lang ang nanuyong lama't laway

gayundin ang tarangkahan

ng damdaming nais kumawala

ngunit 

nalunod ang mga salita

ng ideyang kinadena ng iilan

ng ideyang hindi tanggap ng karamihan

ng idyeang kinahon ng lipunan

Muli, lilikom ako ng lakas

lakas na tutunggali

sa alimpuyo't hagupit

ng pait ng paghihintay

Set me free

(Mew speaking to Tong)

So I have one question:

If we can love someone so much, how will we be able to handle it the one day we are separated?

And, if being separated is a part of life, and you know about separation well, is it possible Tong, that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them?

At the same time, I was also wandering. Is it possible that, we can love our entire life without loving anyone at all?

I really don't know if I am doing the right thing. Should I give up?

The characters still haunt me. My brain can still draw the twists and turns of Mew and Tong's romance. And my heart still sobs reminiscing the frustration I felt at the end of the film.

The "Love of Siam" is a dramatic and romantic film about teen gay romance. The development of the romance between Mew and Tong is "to the nth level kilig". However, like most of gay relationships, contradictions pressed by the society spiced the story.

I won't go on into reviewing because I will allot another space for it another time. I just want to point out a thought.

Nahihirapan kasi ako ng lubusan. Sobra. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gustong kumawala ng emosyong kinikimkim ko sa aking puso. Gusto kong umiyak. 

Mahirap magmahal kapag may piniling kasarian ka lalo pa't kung ang iibigin mo ay wala namang kasiguraduhan kung kaya kang tanggapin. 

At siyempre, bakit ba hindi kaya ng minamahal mong tanggapin 'yun. Bottomline pa rin ang society. Na kahit naglipana na ngayon ang bakla at lesbiyana, hindi pa rin sila lubusang tanggap ng lipunan. Partikular na ang pagkakaroon ng same sex relationship. Mauugat pa rin sa kulturang minulat sa atin ng sumakop sa atin lalo na nang kasalukuyang sumasakop sa atin. Imperialist plunder on culture pa rin. Ayoko nang magdetalye dahil masyado ng sensitibo kapag napasukan na ng relihiyon.

Kung tutuusin, lahat naman tayo ay tinuruang magmahal. Sabi nga ni Boy Abunda, sa iisang utos lahat lumulundo ang Ten Commandment at iyon at "Love". At wala siyang nakikitang mali sa ginagawa niya dahil nagmamahal siya. Siya sy tumalima.

Bakit ba may mga taong narerepress ang kanilang karapatang magmahal? Kailangan na talagang lumaya ng lipunan.

Sabi nga ni Mao, "Genuine equality between the sexes can only be realized in the process of the socialist transformation of society as a whole."

Rebolusyon ang solusyon.